When nothing feels right

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To be honest, the last month has not been going so well. More or less since we came back from our weekend in Stoke-On-Trent I have been feeling very down, both low energy and low mood.

I think the combination of exam stress, work stress and our living situation and the uncertainty around it all is a major factor to these feelings.

It is crunch time for my exams now, the first two are already on Monday and Tuesday, I should be more or less done with my revision by now, but yet I am not. Not even close. A few days of those set aside to prep for exams I haven’t even gotten out of the house nor been able to sit down and focus, and the days where I have sat down and worked for hour, I haven’t been able to focus at all, making the prep totally worthless.

Suddenly, I have found my self without will, motivation, energy nor focus.

I think also the uncertainty of what I will spend my summer doing and how much work I will have, at the same time as Greg and I living in a tiny room we rent, while waiting to move out to our own apartment is at times a stressfull situation. I think simply I got overwhelmed all of a sudden, and I have felt unable to take much action or reach for new things as a result of that.

The bad thing about getting in a mood like that, is that naturally whilst feeling down and overwhelmed, one often feel less like being among others and going out socializing and more like staying inside your own comfort zone and take it easy. Although that might feel good at the time, I find that the more time I spend by my self in a low mood, the less I feel like going out,and suddenly I have isolated myself, feeling even lower.

Currently I am spending my Saturday night at the uni library, desperately trying to redeem myself to manage a good grade. As I tried to focus more and more these thoughts came up about how the last month has been and how I just lost focus so completely. Perhaps a small depression hit me out of nowhere, or perhaps stress and anxiety around it all threw me for a bit. I am not sure the reason, but I am sure of one thing.

This is not how I will spend my summer, and if I can help it it wont deprive me of succeeding in my exams. I have not worked hard all year to have it taken away at the last moment.

Only I can pull myself out of this temporarily hole and I will. I hope that it is not too late for my exam prep but I will from now until my exams do the best I can for it not to be. I still have time and I will use it. That is all I can do right now, the rest I will start working on after Tuesday. Then I have some time to prepare a lot before the next exam, at the same time plan out my summer and work plans, get back in a healthy food and work out regime and spend some quality time with friends and boyfriend.

The next few months will be great, I have just decided that they will be!

This was just some thoughts I needed to get down on paper so I can again focus on the work I am here to do. Has anyone else experiences with these troubles?

Hopefully in a few days there will be a much happier girl writing here to you! Have a great Saturday evening!

– Camilla