May Resolutions

It is now Tuesday evening, and I am writing my first post in over a year.

Over the past year not much has changed apart from been working heaps and just trying to stay on track in life. You all know what its like. The weeks has just seemed to rush past me and before I know it the seasons has changed and even little things that I was going to get done in a day or a week is suddenly not really done in a year!

At the beginning of this year I said to myself that I wanted to eat better and be healthier, be more social with friends and find a job that is relevant to my degree. Well, so far I don’t have any impressive results to show anyone. I pushed things to the next day and next day and time did this trick on me where it somehow fast-forwarded to may.. MAY! However, I am refusing to keep this bad record and from now on I will be following my plan in all areas that I can and to keep myself accountable I will be updating my progress here. Nothing like the threat of public humiliation (from my 2 followers haha) to keep a girl to her goals so keep up!

Other than that life is more of less the same as before and going really well. I am still living with Greg and loving my relationship with him. I don’t want to jinx myself but I have to say that I have never felt closer to him or felt that we are doing better than now and I feel really blessed in that. I do like my job that I have now, it is close so I can walk there and I like the job itself. The reason that I am wanting to get a new job is only because my job that I have now is as a support worker for people with disabilities and I have been doing this type of work since I was 19 years old and my degree is in a completely different field. I want to find a job that I can grow and that is related to my degree. Anyway for now I am happy at work, which may actually be the problem because I am so comfortable it is not making me feel any urgency to go and find something else.

I don’t think that there is much new to report! I am currently sitting here eating Cadbury chocolate and Doritos because tomorrow I am starting my diet! I am excited to start blogging again and dscf1601I will update with my results on Friday, Wish me luck!

Cam xxx

 

Happiness, Relationship and Christmas preparations

December!! Woohoo (or should I say ho ho ho), Christmas is officially upon us!
Well it is 5th of December so it has been upon us for a few days but surprise surprise I am a little behind. (Story of my life, ugh) But ahead for a new years resolution – be more on time, so there is a silver lining right?

I love this time of year, not just with it being Christmas but the whole thing. The cold, dressing up with big scarfs and lighting candles and staying warm inside, after a long day out in the cold. It is such a cosy time of year.
When I was younger I hated the winter and loved the summer. Now I am starting to become a real winter person and as soon as September starts I get in a really good mood, knowing it is heading towards winter. The temperature dropping day by day, having to dress warmer and warmer and watching the leaves on the trees change colour and start falling down until they all are without leaves – portraying a beautiful winter landscape.

Life at the moment feels divided into two. In some aspects life is great, better than ever. Things I have emotionally struggled with for a long time is starting to fade from my mind, my anxiety is much better, my previous depression i have had is so to speak gone and I am sleeping better than ever. I feel that I have got such a better life quality especially as I lately have not had any insomnia or trouble getting up. I have started to get tired at 10 at night and I wake up be myself some time between 6 and 8am. Just to have been able to go to bed at the same time as Greg and fall asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow makes such a difference. I don’t sit up being lonely watching TV until the late hours, and I don’t lie in bed wallowing over little issues. Not to mention I get much more daylight and a better feeling when I get up early.

I don’t think my relationship with Greg has ever been better, and I am so in love. I feel that we are such a team and I feel that I can more than ever bring up stuff that I  need to talk about or resolve issues like a team with him. I feel more wanted in his life than I ever have and I cannot imagine my life without him. It is like we just work, and it makes me very happy.  In one week exactly, I am flying to New Zealand and we will spend Christmas together with his family and I am incredibly excited!

24726536_10159972781540508_703487479_n

In other aspects I feel that I am doing really poorly and that life is stressful and tiring.  I have been trying really hard to get in a routine of healthy eating and excising, but I keep struggling with it. Especially with the eating. In addition to that I have not been able to fully control my diabetes, making me incredibly tired. It feels like a bad wheel going, and I am using a lot of energy trying to get it on track.

With uni I feel behind already, I am currently stressing to secure a  supervisor for my dissertation, and time is ticking away because I am leaving next Tuesday so I need to have it sorted by then. I also have the worst concentration at the moment and combined with being tired from my diabetes it feels very challenging as I am reading and writing on my own for uni. I can defiantly feel that a master is much more challenging than when I did my bachelors. I feel that I struggle to meet deadlines and that what I am doing isn’t good enough. I feel behind with other projects as well, such as the blog and this vlog I am working on. As if I cant gather the focus to get it of the ground. I am taking steps to improve it though, and this week I have some doctors appointments lined up, an eating plan and I am meeting with the tutor at work to sort my stuff out (hopefully).

I guess that I life, as some things go well others will not. I am in general really grateful though, because overall I am really happy and I feel much calmer and centred than I did before.

I hope everyone is having a great December and wishing you all the very best!

Camilla xx

Improving in 2017

dscf3192
New Year, New opportunities!
We are starting the new year a bit late here in Arendal.  I mean that in the sense that we still have not put the Christmas decorations away, I am still in Norway on Christmas holiday and we are still eating Christmas sweets. I  am still very much in a holiday mode.

Tomorrow we are clearing the house of Christmas in every way and embracing the New Year. 6 days late but oh well.

I return to London on the 11th of January and Greg and I have agreed that we then will talk and write down our goals and ambitions for 2017. We have places we want to see and things we want to do and we want to work together to make them happen.

Meanwhile while I am here in Norway I have over the holidays figured out what I personally want to change and things I want to accomplish.

I want to develop as a human being and have some personal growth.

Taking Better Care of People Around Me:
During the church service on Christmas Eve, the priest talked about treating every person we meet as we would treat our selves and how we would treat God or someone we look up to. He talked about how whilst we treat other people well and do what we can to help other human beings we are also treating ourselves well.
During Christmas this we something that I experienced and the more I thought about it agreed more and more with.
When we came here my goal was two things. That Greg would have a good time this Christmas even though he if far from home and his traditions and the second was that my mum who has not seen us for a long time would have a wonderful Christmas with us as we will be in New Zealand next year. I had decided that I would do everything to make that happen.
Seeing how happy they both were and making sure that they had a wonderful Christmas was really the entire reason why this Christmas was the best I have ever had.

This made me think how happy it makes me to see the people around me well, and made me think of how small acts of kindness can make someones day that much better. I have my self experienced this year and felt how just one or two people around me caring for me and taking a little time aside to make sure that I am ok and taking an interest in how I am doing can lighten even the hardest of my days.

I think that it shows how powerful one person can be, how powerful we all can be in making someones time better and I want this year to go more out of my way to take time to bring joy into the lives of people around me.
20160220_171224

Take Better Care of Myself:
One thing I have realized during the past year is that it is hard to be there for others when you are not doing great yourself. In order to be a good friend, girlfriend, student or employee you have to take care of yourself.
In the past year have struggled with my health, both with my diabetes and with my general health.
To be there, follow through with plans and making sure you are a good presence in others life it hard to do when you are feeling drained and unwell.
There are things outside our control that can make us feel that way of course, but for me personally I want to do everything I can to make sure I am feeling well.

So often during the year I would skip on having a good diet, I would go back and forth on keeping fit and the times when I was heavy into a fitness routine I would have the wrong focus, and taking a more extreme diet and exercise something that would give me less energy and that would health-wise not befit my body or mind.

This year I want to focus on being healthy. Not because I want to be thin, or strong physically, but for my body to be well and focus on working as best as it can. I want to forget about weight, but making sure I get all the nutrients I need and remove or at least cut heavy down on stuff that is not good for me.
I want to wake up feeling well and treat my body in a way where I am not worried about future illnesses or go through the day feeling drained.

I do want to get in a better routine with my exercise, but not to give in to the fitness pressure on social media, but because I know it will give me energy and it something that my body needs.

I want to treat my mind likewise and continue to get back into a positive mindset and try not to stress or over think stuff.

I feel so lucky to be healthy, the only issue I have right now is my diabetes. But when that is poorly controlled and I am not doing my part to make it better, then I am treating my body the wrong way and not appreciating the fact that I am as lucky as I am.

Not to mention when your body and mind is feeling unwell, it is that much easier to get stressed, sad and that much harder to focus, concentrate and being there for those I love.
dscf1592

Be More Social and Staying Better in Touch with People:
I can be very bad at staying in touch with people. I am one of those people that need time to answer to a message and it is such a bad habitt! This year I will start doing things straight away instead of waiting a full day.
I also want to start reaching out to people. I am someone who often can underestimate the importance of a quick chat or a message to hear how someones day has been.

Too often I feel that I would be just annoying reaching out, and I often do not suggest meeting up with people, not because I do not want to see them but because I convince myself that they would not want to meet up with me.
Like I said above, I have realized how significant a message or a small conversation can be on a bad day. I want to start being that force, and getting in touch. Show people that I care, instead of just sitting thinking about it.

I have also this year been become so fond of being at home and spending the evenings inside snuggling up to Greg.
Although that is all nice and well, I have been far less social this past year.

In the new year I think that it is important that I get more out there, and not spend all my evenings just at home. To go to a cafe with friends, or a gathering or even to a bar or pub. In the last few years I have had less of an interest in going out drinking. It makes me feel unwell, even if it is only a drink or two and the amusement I found a few years ago is just not there anymore. That being said just because I dont drink doesn’t mean I cant go to a pub for a few hours with some friends. If I dont feel like drinking I can still spend time with fun people and have a dance or two.
dscf1212

Blog and Vlog:
Last year I started this blog and the plan was to grow it and blog every day. That was something that I so absolutely failed at.
If you look back at my posts you can see that the blog posts do not have a continuity and often gets left behind.

I have plans on where to take the blog this year, and I want to “find my voice” this year, something that doesnt happen when you dont blog continuously.
It is like so many other things, in that ideas just stay an idea, when what is required is action. This is the year, with the blog and so many other aspects of my life where I plan to take action and put ideas into reality.

I also plan to start vloging. I have since the middle of the year started to watch more and more You Tube channels and  as I have done so the idea of having my own channel has aspired.
I start filming already tomorrow and within the following week I will put out my first video!

I have so many plans this year both here on the blog and on You Tube that I think you will really like and I hope you will stay tuned and join this journey with me.
14081018_1062188583902472_1551737899_ndscf1626

Most importantly, I just want to go out experience life and be happy. For the people around me to be happy and to enjoy every day, and this is small steps towards that.
_________________________________________________________________

I am so excited for the following year! We have so many fun plans and stuff coming up and I am excited to share it with you.

This is also the year I am finishing my bachelor degree and it will be a new journey fro there wither with work or with continuing studying for a master.

I am excited to see where it all leads and where we stand at the end of this year!
And of course I hope you will be here with us to see it!

– Camilla

 

 

Last Week and a New Focus

Good morning beautiful people!

I am getting ready to head out to work, but before I do that I thought I would give an update and a summary with the highs and lows from the week that just passed.

I have been away for some weeks now. We have had some highs and lows here that I have been working through. But it is all worked through now and I am back to normal, and hopefully will be better than ever!

In the week that was I have worked towards getting myself healthy and feel my best. After a few health scares and feeling unhealthy my focus has gone from heating and working out to look my best, so eating, living and working out in a way that benefits my health.
It is a work in progress and I have had good days and days that I have been less successful but I am getting there!
I hope that in this week I will not have any setbacks and be 100% dedicated to being healthy. I have realized that being happy and healthy is much more important than being thin, or have great skinn or being well toned and that way I feel more relaxed and much happier.

Well, back to the week that was.

High point of the week:
On Thursday Greg took me out for a super nice date! We went to central and ate tapas before going for ice cream. It was great to get to spend some one on one time without any distractions. The food was amazing and the company was even better!
How lucky am I to be with this amazing man!

15032529_10158048112800508_1488714943_n


Low point of the week:
The low point of my week must have been yesterday, when Greg and I was watching the Saints and the Broncos and just as we were getting super excited that they were about to win, the Broncos blocked the last field goal and we lost the game! We were so disappointed!

Surprise of the week:
Trump won the election! Like so many else I am just stunned that Donald Trump won the election in America. I was up watching some of the election and I could not believe he was in the lead. I was even more surprised waking up to the news that he won! Who would have though a year ago that he would actually be president. It just goes to show that anything can happen, so at least that is a good life lesson.

I have in general had a great week, and been getting on track with food, sleep and in general feeling very uplifted and happy.
Having said that I could not get to sleep last night, and ended up with only 3 hours of sleep so I am dreading spending 12 hours as a health care assistant today. Being on such a long shift in a job were you need to be very present for the residents and the people you are looking after is very challenging when being sleep deprived.
However I am determined to keep up a good spirit and just keep in mind that at the end of the day I will get a great night sleep. And keep the coffee coming!

Have a great day everyone!

– Camilla

A Holiday for Realization, Reflection and Inspiration

Now that our holiday in Crete is over, I have safely landed back home and a new routine has started. I have already been home for a few days, settled from my trip and even had my first days at Uni this new semester.

Our holiday has been great! A lot did not go as planned, but it was a holiday that I am so grateful for and that I needed.

The plan was to go on many trips, exercise, spend every day in the sun and soak up the Greek culture.
That is not really what happened. I spent a lot of the trip with what must have been the flu and only had a few hours a day on the beach, some I did not even make it to the beach. Often it was cold, and I did not make it to any excursions.
I had this whole plan to turn my blog into a well being/tour guide of Crete – well, obviously that did not happen.

But although it did not go according to plan, I am so happy I went, and I had such a great time! The holiday did not turn into an adventure of the island, or a cleansing trip for my body but it turned into a trip where I got a change to truly reflect on my life and How I live. A soul cleansing instead of a body cleansing!
10250860_10154019671985508_533448226_n

Not being able to go out every day and often getting tired quickly at night, I spent a lot of nights sitting drinking tea on the veranda alone with my thoughts. Sitting outside, listening to the sound of the ocean is so cliche, but it is true that it does wonders for your mind. Sitting in those beautiful surroundings and still missing home and being excited to come home is a true blessing. One that I often take for granted.
dscf1661

I started thinking a lot of how I live my life, how I think, how my attitude is and how lucky I am with so many things in my life.

The truth is that my thinking can very often be negative, and especially lately I have been easily stressed, agitated and just had a bad energy.
It happens in life, we get so busy and caught up in all our responsibilities to reflect on how we think. If it then is something stressful or difficult we deal with often we can get in a bit of a funk.

I started watching these youtubers videos about positive thinking, and it hit me how right they are, and how much I have to learn from this.
The last few years I have been negative. I have let little things ruin my day, and put me down. I often expect the worst. I have felt tired and become to comfortable sitting inside.

I started thinking about why I do this, because it is really so silly!
I realized that I am simply afraid of being disappointed, therefor I have never got my hopes up about things I really want, and just believed that I wont get them. But by doing that, I have also not tried to go for what I really want. Winther it be a job, a friendship or just small things.

The same goes for how I talk about myself or the things I do. For instance if I am doing something well and someone tries to compliment me for it or show an interest, I always drag out the negatives. Not to complain, but to make sure I wont disappoint. I am so scared of that I might fail, so I dont tell people the goods. I always think that this could get away from me so quickly so I better not give anyone the impression that it is going super well, how will I then look if I fail?
And by doing so, I talk so much negative about my self that I am putting that negative energy out there and then of course start to doubt my self. Not to mention that I start focusing about these negative things.

Most importantly, I started thinking about those around me, those who my negativity impacts. For instance Greg, who always try to build me up, always is positive and tries to get me to do so many fun things with him. I feel bad that although I am not negative about him, having a girlfriend who had been looking at the negatives, questioning herself and often does not want to do much at all, it must be so hard!
Because although I want to do so many things in theory, when it comes down to it I often have had an excuse. Especially the last few months. Such as I am tried, I need time, I dont look good. And always the same thinking – tomorrow I will feel better, look better -have more time.

The things is that I want the best for those in my life, and I want to give them joy. Too often I feel that I want to please everyone, but I end up disappointing everyone.
I want Greg to be happy, and have a fun girlfriend. I want to be a good friend, a good aunt and a good daughter.

I always put happiness in the future and believe if I just reach this goal or that goal, then I can start to relax and be truly happy. I just need to loose some weight, I just need to get a hair cut, I just need to settle in at work, I just need my skin better. Always something.

I want better relationships, but often I shy away from social encounters. Especially with those I really like being with. It is like I have a fear that if they spend too much time with me, they might be disappointed. And it is so silly! Those who are meant to be in your life will want to hang out with you, but I have not given many people the chance, because I worry to much about myself.
dscf1567

The most silly thing of all is that I am actually a very positive person. Just lately I have forgot.

But now I feel that I have had some time away, and made some hard realizations about my self. Dont get me wrong, it is not like I think I am a bad person, it is just this energy I have had lately, the energy I did not even think about.

But now that I have, I am all ready to start positive thinking! In fact, I have already started.

I have quit thinking that everything will be great tomorrow, just not today. Why not today? Happiness and positivism is not tomorrow, it is now – in this moment!

  • I wont think that I will not tell people or think about what I am so happy about right now. It might go away tomorrow, but I trust that it wont and if it does go away my being negative wont stop that. Why would I take away the joy of it today just because of the fear of tomorrow?
  • I am starting to say yes to things, as long as I dont have a gut feeling it is wrong for me. But try new things, enjoy what I am doing.
  • I am realizing that whatever is going to happen to me, nothing will happen that I cant handle. And whatever happens will happen for a reason, what matters is how I deal with it.
  • I am focusing on the good, not the bad. I dont put myself down, I focus on my good sides and I believe in myself.
  • I think everyday of what I am happy about

I must say, ever since I came home and has been conscious of my own thinking, I have been feeling really happy. It is the perfect time for it too, a new year is starting at Uni, I have missed home enough to truly appreciate it, and I am more ready than ever to tackle this third year of uni.

I truly believe that we often get what we need, not what we planned for and I am so happy that the holiday did not go according to plan. This was just what I needed!
I feel so inspired and excited!
dscf1795

I am so excited to share with you how this will go, and to be open to new things and see things in a new and brighter light.
I am excited, because I feel that I have my old self back and now that I realized I had lost myself a little, getting back to my old self is so much easier.

Now I will go to get some sleep, tomorrow is a new day, that for me will be spent studying so I need my sleep!

Goodnight to you all, sweet dreams,
– Camilla