Preparing for New Zealand!

I am now sitting at home with Gilmore girls on the TV, snacks on the table and myself planted on the sofa tucked in warm blanket. Not a crazy Saturday night, but with the cold weather outside it is the only thing I want to do tonight.

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Even with thick socks, a sweater, a fleece jacket, a good blanket AND heaters on I am still cold!

It is a strange evening home for me, because tonight Greg has travelled to New Zealand where I will travel to on Tuesday to spend Christmas with him and his family.

It is less than a week until I see him and just another two days at home before I leave but yet the house feels so empty without him! I am of course used to being home alone. Greg and I don’t spend every evening together, and  often he has to travel to other UK cities for work yet knowing that he is flying to far away makes it feel extra empty. Even though I will see him in no time.
It gives me a real butterfly feeling in my stomach knowing that the next text I get from him he will be far away in Malaysia and I wont talk to him until he is landed in New Zealand. It almost feels like I am the one flying – and in some way that probably is what it is. Knowing that our flights are so close together I feel much closer to my own flight date. The next time I see Greg I will also be in New Zealand, something that I planned for so long is finally happening.

I have so many things to sort out before I go, and I am starting to feel that I am running out of time. I need to finish the laundry for my whole trip in time for it to dry before I pack it. I have to pack, find some stuff for the trip such as a backpack etc. I need to go to uni and sort out a few things this Monday and get the house clean and tidy for us to get back to. In addition to that I am starting to come down with a hefty cold and it looks like I am getting my infection back so I have to go and get some antibiotics on Monday so I am ok for the long flight. I currently get a painful back just sitting on the sofa for an hour so two rounds of 12 hours on a plane will be awful unless I sort it out!

But mostly I am so excited!

I hope everyone is having a great Saturday wither you are out and about living it up or is at home, relaxing on the sofa like me today.

Camilla

Happiness, Relationship and Christmas preparations

December!! Woohoo (or should I say ho ho ho), Christmas is officially upon us!
Well it is 5th of December so it has been upon us for a few days but surprise surprise I am a little behind. (Story of my life, ugh) But ahead for a new years resolution – be more on time, so there is a silver lining right?

I love this time of year, not just with it being Christmas but the whole thing. The cold, dressing up with big scarfs and lighting candles and staying warm inside, after a long day out in the cold. It is such a cosy time of year.
When I was younger I hated the winter and loved the summer. Now I am starting to become a real winter person and as soon as September starts I get in a really good mood, knowing it is heading towards winter. The temperature dropping day by day, having to dress warmer and warmer and watching the leaves on the trees change colour and start falling down until they all are without leaves – portraying a beautiful winter landscape.

Life at the moment feels divided into two. In some aspects life is great, better than ever. Things I have emotionally struggled with for a long time is starting to fade from my mind, my anxiety is much better, my previous depression i have had is so to speak gone and I am sleeping better than ever. I feel that I have got such a better life quality especially as I lately have not had any insomnia or trouble getting up. I have started to get tired at 10 at night and I wake up be myself some time between 6 and 8am. Just to have been able to go to bed at the same time as Greg and fall asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow makes such a difference. I don’t sit up being lonely watching TV until the late hours, and I don’t lie in bed wallowing over little issues. Not to mention I get much more daylight and a better feeling when I get up early.

I don’t think my relationship with Greg has ever been better, and I am so in love. I feel that we are such a team and I feel that I can more than ever bring up stuff that I  need to talk about or resolve issues like a team with him. I feel more wanted in his life than I ever have and I cannot imagine my life without him. It is like we just work, and it makes me very happy.  In one week exactly, I am flying to New Zealand and we will spend Christmas together with his family and I am incredibly excited!

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In other aspects I feel that I am doing really poorly and that life is stressful and tiring.  I have been trying really hard to get in a routine of healthy eating and excising, but I keep struggling with it. Especially with the eating. In addition to that I have not been able to fully control my diabetes, making me incredibly tired. It feels like a bad wheel going, and I am using a lot of energy trying to get it on track.

With uni I feel behind already, I am currently stressing to secure a  supervisor for my dissertation, and time is ticking away because I am leaving next Tuesday so I need to have it sorted by then. I also have the worst concentration at the moment and combined with being tired from my diabetes it feels very challenging as I am reading and writing on my own for uni. I can defiantly feel that a master is much more challenging than when I did my bachelors. I feel that I struggle to meet deadlines and that what I am doing isn’t good enough. I feel behind with other projects as well, such as the blog and this vlog I am working on. As if I cant gather the focus to get it of the ground. I am taking steps to improve it though, and this week I have some doctors appointments lined up, an eating plan and I am meeting with the tutor at work to sort my stuff out (hopefully).

I guess that I life, as some things go well others will not. I am in general really grateful though, because overall I am really happy and I feel much calmer and centred than I did before.

I hope everyone is having a great December and wishing you all the very best!

Camilla xx

Terror in London

I never want to make my blog political and I try to stay away from writing about my opinions about current affairs. However living in London and writing my blog about my life in London, today it seems unnatural not to share my thoughts or at least mention the terror attack that happened at Westminster this afternoon.

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According to the BBC four people have been killed and at least 20 are wounded.

I had just come home today, when I turned on the TV and it said that there had been a terrorist attack by the Houses of Parliament. I first thought about Greg, because he works so  close to the site and my immediate thoughts was that he could have gone there for lunch. My worries for him were calmed fast though as I saw that it happened after he would have been due to be back at work after lunch long before this happened, so that he would have been at his office when this took place.

Looking at the TV today though filled me with sadness and made me start to wonder about life, the way that these things always make you do.

Wherever a terrorist attack happens it is a tragedy and horrible for the people involved, for those losing a loved one and for the people walking around feeling that fear of terror in their body and in their streets. All lives count the same and everyone treasures their lives and the loss of a life is the same for anyone, that is a given. Of course when an attack happens close to you however, and you feel that this could have happened to you, where you are or where you might have gone you think of it more. I feel that we all walk around thinking in the back of our minds that such a terrible incident could not happen to us or where we live regardless of if that is true or not. It is how we survive and go about our day. So of course when it does happen you get surprised and shocked.

I remember when the Terrorist Attacks happened in Paris on November 13th 2015. I worked in a bar at the time here in London and when I came home and saw the news I felt very touched by it personally. Much because it was in a big European capital like London and also because the shooters shot down many places similar to my own work. This gave the added feeling of identification with the victims because it felt as though they had  a very similar night to my own up until it happened and it gave me a feeling that it could have happened at my job during my night just like it could with them.
It is the same thought that makes me feel strong about the London attack today, the fact that you walk so many times on that exact spot it happened and the feeling that I could have just as easily been walking here today or someone I love could just as those unfortunate people today or this could have just as easily happened when I walked here not long ago.

I think that is some of the effects terror has on us, the feeling that we are not safe  where we are and that if it could happen to them, it could happen to us which is so unfortunate and a part of the desired effect.

Earlier I was thinking of how this morning I was stressed and worried about what is going on in my life and when things like this happens you realize how small and insignificant these things are. Those poor people who died today do not have worries to wake up to tomorrow and they had no idea this morning. Their loved ones would most likely have good and bad things on their minds with their morning coffee and now those things are all over shadowed by what happened today and the grief that comes with it.

I feel bad for people in our community that might experience more racism, bullying and exclusion after today as well. In my experience this is something that often happens, people lash out at innocent people who had nothing to do with the incident because of their own ignorance. I hope that that does not happen this time, and lets remember to be kind towards one another and please do not put responsibility where it doesn’t belong with innocent people who had nothing to do with this. We have to be nice and kind towards each other even after such a terrible and tragic event.

I feel so sad for the people that lost their lives today, for the brave policeman risking his life and dying for the safety of others and for everyone grieving. I will be praying for them all and that we will all just start being nice to one another and stop hurting each other.

– Camilla

Sick or Worried?

Good morning guys!

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I have had the worst night leading up to today. I was a little short of breath yesterday and just after I went to bed last night it got really bad and I felt really dizzy and very short of breath.
I couldn’t sleep and laying down I felt even worse, so I got up and just sat up in the sofa relaxing.

I thought it could be that I was slight dehydrated so I made sure to get a few bottles of water to drink from which helped a little.

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I have so many things going on at the moment and my head is in so many different places right now. I am not fond of change either and with the end of my degree at Uni coming to an end and a new routine about to start when the exams are done is stressing me out. I am not sure why, because I know there is a good chance that much better things are coming after Uni. I am actually excited to see what will happen after Uni and I feel excited by all the opportunities, both with the possibility of going into working and starting my career or doing a post grad. The opportunities are endless and I love it, but at the same time the thought of the unknown is making me feel stresses. Perhaps it is the possibility of failure or something bad happening, I don’t know.

I also know that so much of my future depends on me doing well at Uni for the next few months and also to seek out opportunities outside of Uni now, such as internships, or a job I could enjoy that would be towards what I want to work with in the future. Basically I feel the pressure to stay on top of things much more this semester.

I don’t know if me feeling unwell stems from a bug or just being under the weather, or if it is my subconscious freaking out a little. I am still feeling a little unwell and I think I will take the morning today to relax and recover, and hopefully feel better. I hope I will feel better during the day, so I can get back to work and hopefully relieve some of the pressure or at least not add to it by being taken out of action for some time.

In the early mornings today I started watching an old season of “Keeping up with the Kardashians” and made myself a few cups of tea. It helped a little, I am still feeling a little out of breath and shaky but better than last night. If nothing else, zoning out to a show and enjoying a cup of hot beverage does take your mind of feeling ill.

I wish you all a great day, and hopefully I will be feeling better and have something more fun to report next time!

– Camilla

Goals for the week

Its  a new week and a fresh start! Time for new goals and a clean slate!

Everyone always talk about how they hate Mondays, but I actually quite like them. It feels like a new start, just as the beginning of the year feels like.

I also often work long hours on the weekend and at the end of the week since I am a student on week days so that might be a part of my love for Mondays. Uni life feels more relaxed than working hours, even though the uni work load is much more. It  is probably because the hours you study is more flexible to manage that hours that you are at work.

Since it is Monday today and a new week is commencing, I have set myself 5 simple goals for the week:

  1. Go for a Run and exercise minimum 4 times
  2. Eat healthy the entire week, and only have chocolate or candy 1 day in the week
  3. Spend minimum 35 hours on uni work this week
  4. Answer messages as soon as they come and keep in touch with friends
  5. Stay positive

  This Monday has been a great start to the week. I have been for a lecture at uni that was really interesting, cleared up at home a little bit and made Greg and I tacos for dinner.
Here are a few pictures from my day today so far;

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I will take the rest of the evening off now, and watch some Big Bang Theory or Silent Witness on the TV when Greg finishes his play station game.

What goals have you guys made for the week?

 

– Camilla

New Job!

Good morning guys!

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This morning I have been for  a run, done some exercises and now I am enjoying my breakfast whilst watching the Kardashians and gathering the energy for a productive day. Wohoo!

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I have fallen slightly behind on my uni work the last few weeks, so I have some major catch up to do over the next few days.

A week ago I got an extra job as a waitress! As the summer is sneaking up on us slowly but surely I felt that I needed some extra money for holidays and etc, not to mention that uni is soon over and I dont know yet if I will be able to go for my masters after the summer or how long it will take me to get a full time job if I dont go on studying straight away.

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I really like my new job and the people there, much more than I thought I would actually, however I have to be very disciplined with getting my work done for uni now that I am working more  hours than  am used to and the last few days has been a bit of a slip. But that all changes today!
I am getting super stressed that we are already in March, both in terms of all the work I have leading up for the end of the term, but also that three years of uni is coming to an end. I defiantly feel that I am not done studying and the unknown about what I will be doing after the summer is quite stressfull. Time is just going to fast and I almost feel that life is passing me by! That might be a bit of a stretch but you get what I mean. Therefore I feel that it is super important that I make the most out of the next two months to stay on top of everything.

I got next to no sleep last night, so that will be a challenge when I am trying to read and learn today, but with a few cups of coffee and some good old will power I think I will be alright.
Luckily I got of to a good start with my work out and a good energetic breakfast. I also have a few errands to run today, such as getting a haircut for my poor neglected hair!

What are you guys up to today?

I wish you all a good and productive day!

– Camilla

 

Cleaning Out my Closet, Cleaning Up my Life

Good morning!

Monday is here and I am hoping it is the start of a great and productive week!

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Last night I started planning for the week, and as I did that I also cleaned up at home!
One of the things that was long overdue was my closet. I am somewhat of a horder, especially with clothes. I can never seem to be able to let anything go, and with too many clothes for my closet it is a constant mess! Half the clothes I owe are stuff I never wear, even wrong sized clothes I hang on to in the fear that I might one day not have anything to wear and need some emergency clothing.

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It is actually working against it’s purpose with me always being in a rush in the morning combined with a chaotic closet always leads to me not finding anything to wear and end up dressing like a klutz.
Not to mention our bedroom always being in a state of chaos.
So I decided to put an end to all that and finally go through it. I filled up an entire bin bag to give away!

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Much better!

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Finally – A closet where I can actually find my clothes!

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I am hoping and planning for the closet change to be the metaphorical start to a much better week than the one that passed. A boarder separating last week to the coming week.

The week that passed was such a mess with to many unfortunate incidents and me failing to meet any of my goals.

Last week started well with many outings and fun. I ate healthy, worked out and spent my days with productivity.

Well, as the storm came to London it blew away my motivation and whisked me with bad luck.

I let my diet go, ate loads of sugars and cut back on nutrient food, leaving me feeling bloated, out of energy and unwell. I “forgot” my exercise and I overslept nearly every night, making it hard to fall asleep in the evening and then I was caught in this really bad sleep routine. Fortunately I didn’t have anywhere I needed to be early, but still –  bad.

To top my week of, on Friday I was out with one of my friends and I lost my phone! It was stolen out of my bag! Four years in London and my first theft incident so I guess I am lucky, but still so very annoying.
So yesterday I had to go get a cheap phone so people can reach me and now I am stuck with this really old phone that is super hard to use. But at least I have a phone and can be reached!

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What a week, fortunately that’s over! 

So, that was my week – a fiasco of a week, but fortunately that is over now and a new week is upon us!

I have already started well, I have been for a long run, did my exercises, had a shower and I am now doing my makeup. All ready for my 9 am appointment and a good start to the week!

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I wish you all a great Monday, and hope to report with good news throughout the week!

– Camilla