Friday Night Home Alone

Good Friday evening everybody!

These last few weeks has gone so quick! I cannot belive we are already in December, the last month of the year. Christmas is right around the corner and so is uni deadlines and exams.

It has been a hectic month for me so far. Trying to prepare for everything at uni as well as keeping up with the social calendar of December is tricky enough, but in addition this bad cold has been going around and of course I caught it!

Tonight Greg is in Bristol with work and I have so many deadlines coming up so I have had to stay inn and working on them. Hooray for Friday night! No, all jokes aside – it could be age – or delusion but I am really enjoying spending some time indoors tonight, with Pizza, Pepsi Max and snacks. And even when it is spent working on my assignments. I must be growing up haha!
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Lately I have become so bored and annoyed at our living room furnishing. Something that is ironic since i am actually the one who furnished in the first place. Suddenly I realized that our place really lack that “homey” feeling and really is quite disastrous colour coordinated. Somehow as I was decorating it, I made it dark and look like a place two bachelors would share rather than a nice cozy home.
So at the beginning at the month I planned for and ordered new furniture and they arrive already on Monday! I keep talking about it as my master project. I am so excited! Earlier today I went and got some decorations and final touches for the living room at IKEA, and I cannot wait to show you when it is all in place!
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This was my little update for today! I am now about to watch an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, before continuing with my uni work for a bit before bed.

Will talk to you again tomorrow.

– Camilla

 

Last Week and a New Focus

Good morning beautiful people!

I am getting ready to head out to work, but before I do that I thought I would give an update and a summary with the highs and lows from the week that just passed.

I have been away for some weeks now. We have had some highs and lows here that I have been working through. But it is all worked through now and I am back to normal, and hopefully will be better than ever!

In the week that was I have worked towards getting myself healthy and feel my best. After a few health scares and feeling unhealthy my focus has gone from heating and working out to look my best, so eating, living and working out in a way that benefits my health.
It is a work in progress and I have had good days and days that I have been less successful but I am getting there!
I hope that in this week I will not have any setbacks and be 100% dedicated to being healthy. I have realized that being happy and healthy is much more important than being thin, or have great skinn or being well toned and that way I feel more relaxed and much happier.

Well, back to the week that was.

High point of the week:
On Thursday Greg took me out for a super nice date! We went to central and ate tapas before going for ice cream. It was great to get to spend some one on one time without any distractions. The food was amazing and the company was even better!
How lucky am I to be with this amazing man!

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Low point of the week:
The low point of my week must have been yesterday, when Greg and I was watching the Saints and the Broncos and just as we were getting super excited that they were about to win, the Broncos blocked the last field goal and we lost the game! We were so disappointed!

Surprise of the week:
Trump won the election! Like so many else I am just stunned that Donald Trump won the election in America. I was up watching some of the election and I could not believe he was in the lead. I was even more surprised waking up to the news that he won! Who would have though a year ago that he would actually be president. It just goes to show that anything can happen, so at least that is a good life lesson.

I have in general had a great week, and been getting on track with food, sleep and in general feeling very uplifted and happy.
Having said that I could not get to sleep last night, and ended up with only 3 hours of sleep so I am dreading spending 12 hours as a health care assistant today. Being on such a long shift in a job were you need to be very present for the residents and the people you are looking after is very challenging when being sleep deprived.
However I am determined to keep up a good spirit and just keep in mind that at the end of the day I will get a great night sleep. And keep the coffee coming!

Have a great day everyone!

– Camilla

A Holiday for Realization, Reflection and Inspiration

Now that our holiday in Crete is over, I have safely landed back home and a new routine has started. I have already been home for a few days, settled from my trip and even had my first days at Uni this new semester.

Our holiday has been great! A lot did not go as planned, but it was a holiday that I am so grateful for and that I needed.

The plan was to go on many trips, exercise, spend every day in the sun and soak up the Greek culture.
That is not really what happened. I spent a lot of the trip with what must have been the flu and only had a few hours a day on the beach, some I did not even make it to the beach. Often it was cold, and I did not make it to any excursions.
I had this whole plan to turn my blog into a well being/tour guide of Crete – well, obviously that did not happen.

But although it did not go according to plan, I am so happy I went, and I had such a great time! The holiday did not turn into an adventure of the island, or a cleansing trip for my body but it turned into a trip where I got a change to truly reflect on my life and How I live. A soul cleansing instead of a body cleansing!
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Not being able to go out every day and often getting tired quickly at night, I spent a lot of nights sitting drinking tea on the veranda alone with my thoughts. Sitting outside, listening to the sound of the ocean is so cliche, but it is true that it does wonders for your mind. Sitting in those beautiful surroundings and still missing home and being excited to come home is a true blessing. One that I often take for granted.
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I started thinking a lot of how I live my life, how I think, how my attitude is and how lucky I am with so many things in my life.

The truth is that my thinking can very often be negative, and especially lately I have been easily stressed, agitated and just had a bad energy.
It happens in life, we get so busy and caught up in all our responsibilities to reflect on how we think. If it then is something stressful or difficult we deal with often we can get in a bit of a funk.

I started watching these youtubers videos about positive thinking, and it hit me how right they are, and how much I have to learn from this.
The last few years I have been negative. I have let little things ruin my day, and put me down. I often expect the worst. I have felt tired and become to comfortable sitting inside.

I started thinking about why I do this, because it is really so silly!
I realized that I am simply afraid of being disappointed, therefor I have never got my hopes up about things I really want, and just believed that I wont get them. But by doing that, I have also not tried to go for what I really want. Winther it be a job, a friendship or just small things.

The same goes for how I talk about myself or the things I do. For instance if I am doing something well and someone tries to compliment me for it or show an interest, I always drag out the negatives. Not to complain, but to make sure I wont disappoint. I am so scared of that I might fail, so I dont tell people the goods. I always think that this could get away from me so quickly so I better not give anyone the impression that it is going super well, how will I then look if I fail?
And by doing so, I talk so much negative about my self that I am putting that negative energy out there and then of course start to doubt my self. Not to mention that I start focusing about these negative things.

Most importantly, I started thinking about those around me, those who my negativity impacts. For instance Greg, who always try to build me up, always is positive and tries to get me to do so many fun things with him. I feel bad that although I am not negative about him, having a girlfriend who had been looking at the negatives, questioning herself and often does not want to do much at all, it must be so hard!
Because although I want to do so many things in theory, when it comes down to it I often have had an excuse. Especially the last few months. Such as I am tried, I need time, I dont look good. And always the same thinking – tomorrow I will feel better, look better -have more time.

The things is that I want the best for those in my life, and I want to give them joy. Too often I feel that I want to please everyone, but I end up disappointing everyone.
I want Greg to be happy, and have a fun girlfriend. I want to be a good friend, a good aunt and a good daughter.

I always put happiness in the future and believe if I just reach this goal or that goal, then I can start to relax and be truly happy. I just need to loose some weight, I just need to get a hair cut, I just need to settle in at work, I just need my skin better. Always something.

I want better relationships, but often I shy away from social encounters. Especially with those I really like being with. It is like I have a fear that if they spend too much time with me, they might be disappointed. And it is so silly! Those who are meant to be in your life will want to hang out with you, but I have not given many people the chance, because I worry to much about myself.
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The most silly thing of all is that I am actually a very positive person. Just lately I have forgot.

But now I feel that I have had some time away, and made some hard realizations about my self. Dont get me wrong, it is not like I think I am a bad person, it is just this energy I have had lately, the energy I did not even think about.

But now that I have, I am all ready to start positive thinking! In fact, I have already started.

I have quit thinking that everything will be great tomorrow, just not today. Why not today? Happiness and positivism is not tomorrow, it is now – in this moment!

  • I wont think that I will not tell people or think about what I am so happy about right now. It might go away tomorrow, but I trust that it wont and if it does go away my being negative wont stop that. Why would I take away the joy of it today just because of the fear of tomorrow?
  • I am starting to say yes to things, as long as I dont have a gut feeling it is wrong for me. But try new things, enjoy what I am doing.
  • I am realizing that whatever is going to happen to me, nothing will happen that I cant handle. And whatever happens will happen for a reason, what matters is how I deal with it.
  • I am focusing on the good, not the bad. I dont put myself down, I focus on my good sides and I believe in myself.
  • I think everyday of what I am happy about

I must say, ever since I came home and has been conscious of my own thinking, I have been feeling really happy. It is the perfect time for it too, a new year is starting at Uni, I have missed home enough to truly appreciate it, and I am more ready than ever to tackle this third year of uni.

I truly believe that we often get what we need, not what we planned for and I am so happy that the holiday did not go according to plan. This was just what I needed!
I feel so inspired and excited!
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I am so excited to share with you how this will go, and to be open to new things and see things in a new and brighter light.
I am excited, because I feel that I have my old self back and now that I realized I had lost myself a little, getting back to my old self is so much easier.

Now I will go to get some sleep, tomorrow is a new day, that for me will be spent studying so I need my sleep!

Goodnight to you all, sweet dreams,
– Camilla

Last Nights Outfit

Good evening guys! dscf1737

We are in full packing mode here in Crete. Tomorrow evening we get picked up for the airport and yet another wonderful holiday is over.

I wanted to make a post about my outfit last night. A little because I finally got dressed up to go out and a little because I love this outfit and I got it so cheap!

The dress is from Primark. I bought it in June for only £14! I was so happy with it I had to have it.
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I love it because you can use it as a dress with heals when going out, to a party or to dinner but it can also be used if you feel like dressing up a bit more in the everyday. Get some more everyday shoes, some black tights and a jacket and you are set to go!

The jacket it just a normal black blazer from H&M and I bought it a couple of years ago.
Even though it looks like most other blazers I love it because it fits my body.
Because I am quite petite it is SO hard to find a blazer jacket that looks good and not boxy on me. So when I finally found this I was thrilled!
I think I payed £20 for it if I remember correctly.

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The shoes are from ASDA and I got them for £12 less than a month ago.
I really like them because they are really comfortable, so I can use them all nights and also put them on for work if I feel like it.

I really love shopping in London for the fact that you can get nice clothes for very cheap if you just take some time to look for it.
Even if I have a month that I am really poor and have an event, I can go out and get an outfit for it if I need to.

So there you have it – a complete outfit for less than £50!

– Camilla

 

Lonely Flat, Lonely heart

Today was the first day in a long time that I came home to an empty flat. And it is my first night sleeping in this flat alone.

Greg and his best friend James has packed their bags and on their way to Florida for a ten days vacation. I am so envious of their trip, and I know they will have an amazing time. I am really happy for Greg that he gets this experience with his best friend, after he has been working so hard ever since he arrived in London in January he truly deserves it.

Although I must admit I am sad to be without him for that long, and last night I felt anxious thinking of being here alone. I am getting so used to having him here every night and seeing him every day that I think I am experiencing some separation anxiety.
Last night I got that same feeling I had when we were doing long distance and it was the night before one of us would fly back to our home country. Of course this is very different, back then we would face two or three months apart and now we are only having ten days apart but I still got that same anxious feeling in my stomach as I did back then.

The whole day at work today I just kept thinking of the empty flat I would come home to, knowing Greg and James is so far away. It nearly killed my motivation for the day just thinking about it and it felt so weird and empty coming through the door after work having no one to greet me and knowing no one is coming home later in the evening either.
Especially after having James here for two weeks, I am so used to having people around and having company in the evening. Going from having days being three people at home to being alone is such a strange feeling.
Since I came home I have just been moping around the flat not really knowing what to do with myself.
I am normally someone who enjoy spending time on my own and I enjoy my own company. I think this is one of the first times that I know I have some time to myself and I am not feeling really happy about that! It is so strange how we can change like that, to me it is a whole new feeling and very unlike myself. I am not sure if it is age or just missing Greg that makes me feel so lonely sitting here alone. It is odd to think about how dependent one can get on another person!  DSCF1183

However I do think it is good to have some days apart, even though I am not liking it as it happens. I think it is good to be able to truly miss one another and feel lonely being apart.
Often when we get used to having someone around we get so comfortable that we forget to stop and think how lucky we are, and often can take those that matter the most for granted.
it is nice once in a while to realize the importance of the person we love and just how much we love them. Not to mention that I think this is so good for Greg to get to see what he wants to see and have some time with his friends from New Zealand that he hardly every get to see.
I know I am moping about being alone, but deep down I am so happy for them.

I realize I am getting a bit sentimental here thinking of Greg somewhere over the Atlantic, but it truly is reminding me of how much I love him and how much I love seeing him everyday.

Fortunately I wont be alone for very long, because my mum is coming on Wednesday to London and staying with me until Monday. It will be really nice to have some mother and daughter time together, see some of London and have some good old Norwegian food again. We haven’t seen each other since February so I am quite excited to see her! Not to mention it will make time go a lot faster until Greg comes back home!

Now it is time for this lonely soul to get to bed in order to survive a full on day tomorrow.

I hope you all are well and get a good night sleep.

Sweet dreams, Camilla